FOOD FOR THOUGHT
By Mubita C. Nawa
As the world focuses on Africa this year for the world cup, Africa needs to take a closer look at its men and their leadership roles in Africa and beyond.
In a continent where half the men do not know their daughters birthday, their wedding anniversary or the menstrual cycles of their wives, there is a reason these men are the way they are.
It is not for the lack of brilliance. These men know the shoe sizes of Diego Maradona, Ronaldo, and Kaka, the shirt number of the world’s most expensive player and the width of the river Nile. But they are disconnected socially from their mothers, wives, sisters, daughters and in some cases from their fellow men. These men look happy, but the women in their lives are miserable.
This article is not an indictment against Africa’s great men who are standing in the gap and being great husbands, statesmen, brothers and fathers. This article recognizes that such men are there. The trouble is they are the exception rather than the rule.
The hope is that this article will spark a dialogue that will positively affect the next generation so that they are better than the current one. To be a real man after all is not about being closed away from the world you live in, but possessing a worldview that seeks to understand not only sport and nature, but the opposite sex.
1. They Don’t Communicate: They do not just get it. They only speak when they are angry and when they do they yell and shout. They don’t know how to say sorry unless it is to the revenue authority, the police officer and the fire marshal. Their own communications have no emotion or connectivity. They can talk about bridges and high story buildings but not talk about the stories behind the people who built those buildings.
2. They are Too Angry: They have not seen a Psychologist in years. To an African man, the dread of seeing a counselor is the equivalent to a woman’s dread before a visit to the gynecologist.
3. They Love Sex but Hate Romance: Romance is a waste of time. Romance is just another 8th wonder galloping a tourist money and time. Sex for an African man is like a science project whose apparatus change depending on the mood. So the rule of thumb is, “Get it done as soon as you can, get in and get out and make some children while at it.”
4. They Don’t Respect Women: Don’t ask her how her day was, but ask her if dinner is ready. She must respect you but you must never respect her. The only time you respect her is when you are in the presence of her relatives but as soon as you are the two of you, call her all kinds of names as long as they are NOT ‘Sweety, Lovie, Baby or Honey.’
5. They Treat Women like Slaves: The harder she works, the more womanly she is. She must work until her face wrinkles. She must work until her hands blister. She must work until she has no desire to look beautiful for anyone. Some men have never even cooked for their wives or for their children.
6. Too Much Soccer, Too much Politics: If the passion an African man puts in his soccer and his politics was the same passion he put in his woman, the African woman would be ecstatic.
7. Don’t Know what to do with Children: An African man has the libido, energy and sex drive to father an entire village of children, but he does not know how to raise those children. He does not know how to show up at the child’s graduation day, sports day, and career day, not even take their child to the hospital or under-five clinic. The African man gets this from his parents and forefathers. African men have no idea what it means to be hugged or loved by their own fathers.
8. Little Accountability: The African man is not accountable to anyone or any organization but to his own ego. He does not want to account for his wife’s or girlfriend’s money. Nor his sisters or mothers money. No wonder the African man makes a terrible politician. An African man wants a free spirit that hovers around the world without anyone telling it where to land though it is past its landing time.
9. Poor Cosmetic Hygiene: The African man does not like to smell good. He likes to visit the barber to escort his friend but he does not enjoy a clean cut or shave. He would rather shave his own head even if it makes him look like a peacock. The only time an African man looks good is at weddings. All the while the women in his life wish he could just use some deodorant, perfume and cologne. But in the mind of an African man, these are all eccentrics of feminists.
10. Too Educated: An African man has more degrees than an American, European or a Japanese. African men have scavenged the world for the best education. They have sold their goods and properties, divorced themselves from social networks and relocated thousands of miles away in pursuit of education. But the real question is what has that education done for Africa? Zero. Some men in Africa have a dozen degrees; couple dozen diplomas, three dozen certificates, a thousand certificates of attendance and multiple PhD’s. Did I mention MBA’s? Yet education for an African man is a tool for intimidating others with and a bragging right rather than an inner liberation. One of the reasons the Nobel Prices have fewer African’s and more Europeans and Americas is that Africans are still doing their thesis while the other people are in the laboratory and on the ground putting into practice what they have learn.
CONCLUSION:
This article is not an indictment against all Africans. Africa has produced some fine men and great scholars and parents who have contributed to the well being of society. These men have liberated Africa from its historic shackles; they have fought imperial powers that colonized not only the continent, but the African mind. To these men and women we say thank you.
We still have a long way to go. Our actions and interventions now will ensure that we liberate the next generation.
Human rights in Africa are just another academic work. Women in Zambia for example work long hours; travel long distances to draw water, still carry buckets to the labor ward for disposal or waste. Children across Africa are still child soldiers, street kids, and child fathers and mothers. All this while African leaders (majority of who are men) fly around in luxury, detached from society, content with cheap political mileage and abuse power with impunity.
Systems in Africa abuse women, abuse children and celebrate mediocre men who are otherwise called politicians. Systems in Africa ridicule men who appear like women only because these men care and are connected with their gentle side.
This article is not a slander or an attack on anyone. It is a tool bar being used to open a discussion that African men through their patriarchal leadership have avoided for years. But times have changed and it is time for African men to come clean and address this area of their lives.
Our women are crying and unfortunately our men a deafened by bouncing echoes of their own success. Or is it really success?
The author Mubita C. Nawa admits that he too is an African man who is struggling with his own upbringing.
RECOMMENDATIONS OR SOLUTIONS
1. Interpersonal Skills Training: Men must be taught from an early age what it means to relate to others. It must begin with self relationship. Being in communion with oneself.
2. Redefining Manhood: For generations men have struggled defining who a rue man is. Often the yardsticks are number of children, number of women, and the size of you know what. But time has come to say that a real man is a man whose emotional intelligence is greater than his IQ or even the size of tires on his car. It is time we told men that it is OK to cry.
3. Women must be Women: African men are a bit confused by African women. Women must go back to being mothers, nurturers, guides and gentle souls that men can count on. If our women are misplaced, so too will our men. It is OK for a woman too work, make money, and all. But she must never take the position of a man. She will fail.
4. Dialogue: Men must communicate more. Women must listen too without nagging. Let us talk about where or what we did wrong. Let us talk about it with mutual respect and candor.
5. Fall in Love with Humanity: Men must love their children more than their ‘adult’ toys. Men must love their wives more than their side kicks. Men must love being home more than the sports bar. Men must go back to the basics of life. Men must lead. A true man is a true leader. He is a priest, a prince, and shepherded, a lover and sure enough a man. Men must love people and the process of engaging and interacting with people. That for me is what rocks.
LOOK OUT FOR MY NEXT ARTICLE:
10 THINGS AFRICAN WOMEN MUST CHANGE
© 2010 Mubita C. Nawa Management Consultancy Limited. This article is written by life coach and international speaker Mubita Nawa for the purposes of edification and uplifting the human soul. No part of this article may be copied or reproduced without the permission of the owner.
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If this article has inspired you then all is well. If this article has offended you then all is still well. What matters is that we talk about the things that confront us. God bless you. Share this article with your church, your colleagues, and everyone you know.
Make sure you use it in its entirety so that the context is maintained. You can even republish it as long as it’s not for profit. All credit must be given to one Mubita C Nawa; the Lozi African boy with a dream to brings social change to Africa and the world. -- Mutinta
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